Logan heaved a sigh as he looked at the little pink and purple box in his rough hand. This was insane. Utterly insane, but he’d ruled out all the sane options so it was time to start ruling out the insane ones.
This would probably be something to laugh about later. Alone. Laugh about alone, because he was never ever going to tell a living soul about this.
He’d waited until morning just like the little box he’d hidden at the back of the bathroom cupboard said to. He tore it open and shook the contents out onto the counter. Pulling out his dick and holding it in one hand, he pissed over the stick he held in the other. He wished he could say he’d purposely woken up before Wade, but really it was that reoccurring curl of nausea that had gotten him up so early.
He put the little stick into a plastic cup and tucked himself away. He sat on the lid of the toilet, glaring around at the dingy bathroom of their apartment, and waited what he thought was about the prescribed five minutes.
Then he looked.
Hmm, what did the little lines mean again? Two was a no right? He looked over the large unfolded pamphlet.
Two lines was positive.
Positive.
Positive.
Dear f*cking Marvel H. Christ.
Logan took a large breath and shook his head. This was why he bought two, he reminded himself with a shaky sense of calm.
He rummaged in the cabinet under the sink and when he found it, opened the second box. He shook the contents out into the sink since the counter was already covered by the first pamphlet, grabbed the little stick and managed to piss a little more onto it.
He waited again. This time arms crossed, drumming his fingers on his bicep and chewing his cheek.
When he was fairly sure it had been five minutes he checked.
Two lines.
He grabbed the other stick and held them both up. Two sets of two lines.
Well, it made sense. Kind of. Sort of. Barely.
He must have some sort of additional mutation he didn’t know about. All of the signs had been pointing to this, it just had taken him awhile to pick up on them. There was the tell-tale ever so slight rounding of his belly. He nearly hadn’t been able to button his jeans yesterday. He might have initially put it off to some happy weight, being in a new relationship, being in a universe where not every single living thing hated his guts. The weight was only really on his belly though, his arms and legs looked the same as ever.
Then there had been the sensitivity to smells. He’d always had a strong sense of smell, but lately certain smells had been sending him near running. Vanessa’s perfume when she’d come to the friend group’s regular Saturday night dinner. The French onion soup Wade had brought home from the deli with sandwiches. Scrambled eggs when they’d gone to a nearby diner for breakfast. All of which had made Logan’s stomach lurch and his head start to ache.
The biggest red flag was that even aside from the smells, he had been getting nauseous a lot. Which it wasn’t like it never happened that he felt nauseous, but it was rare. It was even rarer for him to actually get sick from it. So the recurrence of nausea every morning had been strange. He couldn’t say it was Wade or Al’s cooking when it happened when they ate out, and he couldn’t always pinpoint it to a scent either.
When he’d actually thrown up yesterday morning though was when Logan began to think something was seriously wrong. Then when it started happening every morning for nearly two weeks he’d started having crazy ideas… Or not so crazy apparently.
He frowned down at the little plastic sticks in his hand.
He needed to tell Wade.
He had no idea how the other man would react. Logan wasn’t entirely sure how he himself was reacting. Everything felt kind of distant, like he was watching from the very back of his head.
With a massive sigh, he left the bathroom and went back to the bedroom he shared with Wade. They’d shared it ever since Wade brought him back to this timeline, five months ago. They’d started dating about a month after that. Looking back on it, Logan was surprised they had held out even that long. It was so obvious what they’d both been feeling and yet they had been silly and let their insecurities get in the way of things. He was glad that hadn’t lasted more than a few weeks.
The clock on the nightstand read just past seven. The room was still dim in the partial dawn. Wade was a snoring lump underneath their navy comforter. Only the very top of his scarred head stuck out.
“Wake up,” Logan growled, shoving Wade’s shoulder. Wade grumbled and pulled the comforter tighter. It took a few tries to rouse him.
“I think you’re the prettiest, Twilight Sparkle,” he muttered, blinking his eyes open.
“Hi sleepy head,” Logan drawled.
“What’d you wake me up for?”
“I’m pregnant,” Logan said, waving the pregnancy tests in his face.
“Come again?” Wade said, forehead crinkling.
“I am pregnant.” Logan said, enunciating each word.
Wade snorted. “I know I fell for that one prank with the Oreo cigar, but I’m not that gullible honey badger,”
“It’s not a prank,” Logan was surprised at his own patience. He suspected at some point the dam in his mind was going to burst and he would then panic, but he was calm right now.
Wade sat up, the comforter falling away to show his bare chest. Logan sat down on the edge of the bed, fiddling with the plastic sticks, tapping them against his palm. Wade made a gimme motion and he handed them over.
Wade gawked at them wordlessly. Figured that it took something crazier than him to shut him up. Then his eyes moved away from the tests to look at Logan’s stomach. Logan could practically see the gears turning in his head. Finally he met Logan’s eyes.
“Have you ever been pregnant before?” He asked.
“No,” Logan snapped.
Wade jaw dropped and he seemed slightly awed all of sudden, “Was I your—“
“No,” Logan snapped again, interrupting him. “I already told you that you weren’t,”
Wade’s mouth shut and he nodded. “How?” He asked after a moment.
“Probably a mutation I didn’t know about,” Logan grumbled.
Wade shut up again for a both blissful and nerve-wracking minute.
“And, erm, you want to keep it?” Wade asked tentatively.
Logan found himself protectively placing a hand on his stomach.
He and Wade had only been together a few months, not even an entire year. They’d known each other about the same length of time. That was far too soon to be bringing a kid into the mix. But…
“Yeah, um, I think I do,”
Wade’s face actually broke out into a manic, mile wide grin. “I actually always really wanted to be a dad if you can believe it,”
Logan felt some of the tension ease out of his shoulders. Wade launched himself at him then, embracing Logan tightly and burying his face into Logan’s neck.
“You’re takin’ this really well,” Logan mumbled into his shoulder, hugging him back. He wasn’t as excited as Wade was, but the embrace was comforting.
“I love you so, so much,” Wade said.
“Love you too,” Logan patted his back and leaned his head against Wade’s.
“Weirdly enough, the fact that I got you pregnant makes me really horny and want to f*ck you again,” Wade whispered against his ear.
Logan groaned.
“I’m having a baby with a horny moron,”
“Oh, say that again,” Wade trailed a hand down his spine.
“Get off me,” Logan said, pushing him away. “Haven’t you already done enough damage?”
“Takes two to tango, kitten,” he set the pregnancy tests down on the nightstand. Logan stared at them. It still felt surreal, even with Wade’s enthusiastic acceptance of the bizarre situation.
“You don’t… think it’s weird?” Logan asked.
“Oh, of course it’s f*cking weird, but I am here for it! All aboard the weird express, chugga chugga woo woo,” He pumped his fist.
Logan rolled his eyes, but something in his chest thrummed with affection for Wade.
“Oh god, how far along do you think you are? Do you think the baby has a healing factor too? If it doesn’t, you’ve already given it fetal alcohol syndrome,”
Logan snarled. His claws snapped out with a snikt. Wade threw his hands up in surrender.
A wave of shame roiled through him. What if Wade was right? What if he had already hurt the baby with his f*cking stupid habits of guzzling bottles of liquor and chain smoking cigars? How could he have known though? It wasn’t exactly normal for men, even mutant men, to get pregnant.
Apparently reading the consternation on Logan’s face, Wade said “I’m sure it’s fine kitten, but you’ll definitely have to stop until the baby comes. We probably need to see someone like a doctor or something, anyways though,
“No doctors,” he muttered, letting the claws slide back in.
Wade tilted his head. “Logan, you can’t just raw dog this like we did, you need to see a professional throughout this,”
Logan turned away, hunching slightly.
Wade’s hand touched his shoulder, thumb stroking. “I’ll be with you every step of the way, peanut,”
They sat for a few moments quietly, Logan’s panic finally setting in and beginning to gnaw at him.
“We‘ll go see the X-Men,” Logan said finally. “They might have an idea of what to do,”
∙✧∙
Althea was shuffling about the kitchen, making herself coffee.
“What’s got you two so quiet this morning? I’m not sure I’ve heard you go more than two minutes without bickering. You’re freaking me out a little,”
“Logan’s pregnant,” Wade chirped from the couch, where he was finishing putting on his shoes.
“You’re pregnant.” She said in disbelief. It wasn’t phrased as a question. “You sure you ain’t just gassy?”
Logan grunted. He stood by the front door, arms crossed, tapping his foot. He was irritated that Wade had said anything at all. He was pretty sure that it was the case, but he wanted to be really, really sure before they just started going around telling everyone about it, and maybe not even then. It was a little… embarrassing, after all.
“Let her feel your belly, Lolo,” Wade said in a low voice, tugging him towards Al.
“No,” he said, backing up.
“Oh, f*ck off, let me feel,” she said reaching out a hand blindly. “I’m f*ckin’ near ninety, I’ve felt a million pregnant bellies, and yours is probably just a big ol’ fart anyways,”
Logan reluctantly let her lay a hand on his stomach. Behind the black frames he could see her eyes widen.
“Yeah, you might wanna get that looked at son. I think you are pregnant,”
Logan sneered a little, and maybe pouted some too. He didn’t want to get rid of the baby now that he knew it was there, but he didn’t really want to be pregnant either.
“That’s what we’re on our way to do, sugarplum,” Wade said, steering Logan around her.
∙✧∙
As they stood outside of X Mansion, Logan found himself really craving a cigar. He sighed ruefully, knowing that he wouldn’t be having one for months.
He knew he couldn’t go to a normal hospital. Not just because he dreaded the treatment they would give to a pregnant mutant, but because he doubted they would even know what to do.
The X-Men had been a lot kinder since the whole Taskmaster fiasco. They had invited both of them to their frequent parties, Colossus and Storm had even laughed at some of Wade’s jokes there. The pair of them didn’t spend a lot of time hanging around the mansion, but it wasn’t a no-go zone either. Sometimes Bobby went for beers with them.
Even though he knew they would help him, and likely be very kind about it, Logan dreaded knocking on the door and asking for help. Lucky for him, Wade had no filter or sense of embarrassment. He used the heavy knocker, and when Colossus greeted them with surprise Wade blurted, “We think Logan’s pregnant,”
His silver eyes had widened and looked Logan over while Logan wished he could melt into the pavement.
“Come in. Hank is doctor. He can tell you for sure,” Colossus said, judgement free.
He lead them inside and down to the lab. Logan remembered shaking hands briefly with Hank, this universe’s Beast, during his initial tour. It made sense, he supposed, for that to be who Colossus took them to. The Hank of Logan’s universe had also had a medical degree among his various accolades.
“Hank, I have brought guests,” Colossus said to him. He was hunched over a messy desk, glasses sliding down his blue nose. He looked up at the greeting and set aside his papers.
“Hello Logan, Wade,” He said nodding to each of them in turn.
“Logan is thinking he may be pregnant. You could check for him, no?” Colossus said.
Logan cringed. Every time someone said it, he was certain some portion of his masculinity died and didn’t regenerate. A piece of his sanity too.
“Oh, um, yes. I could definitely check that for you. I take it you’ve already done a traditional urine test?”
“Yep,” Logan said, looking anywhere but their three faces. “Twice,”
“Okay, I’d still like to do one as well, but we can also do an ultrasound,”
Logan gave a quick nod.
Hank gave him a plastic cup and sent him into a nearby bathroom. Logan did his business, washed up, and handed the warm plastic cup to him with an apologetic face. Hank didn’t seem bothered though.
“Okay, I’ll get this running. If you will step into that room over there, I’ll be in with the ultrasound machine momentarily,” He pointed them towards a smaller room off to the side. It was similar to how Logan remembered Hank running the school’s infirmary in his universe, the lab having several rooms off of it used for privacy. He cringed to know that the school had an ultrasound machine at all, the logical conclusion being occasional teenage mutant pregnancies.
Inside, Wade took the regular chair, leaving Logan to sit on the paper covered examination table. He refused to fidget despite feeling restless.
After a few minutes Hank backed in, pulling the wheeled ultrasound machine behind him.
“Alright, while that’s processing, let’s take a look to see if we can see anything yet. Depending on how early it is, we may not be able to see anything. If you’ll just lie back on the table and please lift your shirt,”
“Good ask. He loves to take his shirt off,” Wade whispered as Logan rolled his eyes and followed instructions.
“You may want to shift these down slightly to keep the gel off,” Hank said, eyeing Logan’s jeans. “They don’t need to come all the way off though,”
With his shirt hiked up and pants shifted down, Hank squirted some clear, cold jelly onto his exposed stomach and moved it around with the wand of the machine. Logan chewed the inside of his cheek while the room buzzed with silence.
Hank tapped a few keys with his other hand while he moved the wand around.
“Ah,” He hummed after a few more moments.
Hank turned the monitor to face them.
Logan’s world tilted as he looked at the fuzzy black and white screen. There was a little white bean shaped thing floating there.
“As best I can tell, you’re about four months along,”
Four months. So that means Wade got him practically on the first try, and it had taken Logan so long to realize because it literally had to get to the point his belly was growing and he was puking since he didn’t have a er— lady’s way of telling something sooner.
“How could I have gotten pregnant?” He muttered.
“Well,” Hank said his shoulders hunched and eyes fixed on the screen, “As you can see on the screen you’ve got all the, um, necessary internal equipment,”
“I know it’s a mutation. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this though,” Logan said, his face heating up, “Why didn’t it ever happen before?”
“My guess would be that perhaps because of your healing factor, your internal pH level might be too hostile for sperm cells to survive, thus killing them before they reach your uterus,” Hank said, clearly becoming interested in the scientific aspect, “Mr. Wilson also has a healing factor though, so his sperm would likely be highly resistant to any kind of hostile environment. I would have to sample both of you to be sure—“
“I’ve got super sperm?” Wade shrieked.
“No samples,” Logan growled at the same time.
He felt both of their eyes land on him.
“You’re going to have to let him look at some point, peanut,”
Logan frowned. “Not today,” he didn’t like the idea of someone who looked like a dead friend of his taking a look up his keister the second time they’d ever talked.
“Can you tell the gender yet?” Logan asked, changing the subject.
Wade swatted his arm, “Sex, you idiot. The baby will tell us its gender when it’s old enough,”
Logan rolled his eyes, “Fine, Hank can you tell the sex?” He felt a little uncomfortable saying the word in front of Hank and immediately felt ridiculous.
“No, I should be able to tell in another month or two though,” Hank said, and glanced at him sidelong. “That is…”
“We’re keeping it,” Logan said firmly.
Hank nodded, smiling a little. “Whatever you chose, I didn’t want to presume though. At four months along, you should be due for the last week of February,”
“A little Valentine’s present for us,” Wade swooned.
Logan smiled slightly at that.
“You’ll need regular check ups throughout, and I’m more than happy to be your doctor if that’s what you want,”
“Yes,” Logan said. No human hospitals.
“I’d like to see you back in another four weeks then, Logan.”
He gave them some privacy and Logan hopped off of the table, grabbing some paper towels to wipe the clear goop from the ultrasound out of his body hair.
“Can you believe it?” Wade sighed dreamily.
“Can’t really believe anything else after seeing it there in black and white,” Logan grunted, fixing his clothes. Wade grabbed him by his belt loops and tugged him close.
“What’s the matter?”
“Besides that I’m a man and that I’m pregnant? Gee, I guess it’s all jolly,” Logan grumbled.
“Well, you might be a man, but you’re also a mutant. A cute mutant. A cu-tant! My cu-tant that I impregnated with my super sperm,” Wade hugged him close, grin bright like a lighthouse.
Logan groaned and hid his face in Wade’s neck so as not to have to look at him.
Wade cupped the back of his neck, stroking lightly with his thumb. “I mean it, peanut. I’m here the whole way, it’ll be alright,”
Logan leaned back and then pressed a brief kissed to his lips. “Thanks, it’s just a lot to take in,”
As they were weaving their way back through the halls and towards the front doors, Colossus spotted them again and stopped them.
“You have found out?”
“Confirmed, bun in the oven!” Wade cheered, fist pumping.
“The world need more mutant babies, you will both be wonderful parents,” he grimaced slightly at his own words, as if upon saying them he was less sure.
“Don’t make it sound like a supremacy movement, tin man. Then you’d have to go join the Hellfire club,”
Colossus rolled his silver eyes.
“Everyone will be very happy for you. Best of luck, truly,” He said.”We will see you soon?”
“In about a month,” Logan said, waving goodbye.
∙✧∙
Laura sat at the clawed and scratched dining room table with Wade and Logan on the other side.
Logan didn’t know how to say it. She sat there, staring expectantly at them, mostly at him. Wade had insisted that she be one of the first people they tell, now that they knew for sure. ‘She’s basically your daughter, so she should know,’ he’d said.
“You’re going to have a little brother or sister,” Wade blurted. “We love you just as much as we always have, us having a new baby won’t make us love you an iota less, pumpkin,”
Logan groaned and buried his face in his hands.
“You guys are adopting a baby?” Laura said, voice toneless. “So soon? And who would even let you two adopt a baby?”
There was a brief awkward silence, which of course Wade was the one to break.
“Well, we aren’t adopting, pumpkin,”
She looked between them, confusion obvious.
“I’m pregnant,” Logan mumbled.
“Really?” She asked, with her typical flat affect.
“Really,” Logan said.
She stared at him. He stared back resolutely.
“When’s your due date?” She asked finally, a hint of a grin at the corners of her lips.
“February. End of February,” Logan smiled tentatively back.
“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”
“We won’t know that for years, pooku*ms,” Wade said.
She huffed a small laugh.
“They’ll be able to tell at the next appointment probably,” Logan said.
“Are you just going to a normal hospital?” She asked.
They explained it all to her, and the knot in Logan’s stomach slowly unclenched over the course of the conversation. By the time Laura left, he felt nearly alright. Everything was going to be okay.
∙✧∙
Maybe everything wasn’t going to be okay.
He paced around the apartment tidying things that were already tidy. His throat was dry in a way water would never quench. Even with doing the cooking and tidying and taking care of Mary Puppins, it wasn’t enough keep him busy. He was left with hours to sit around gnawing at his inadequacies.
It had made him want to punch his claws through the wall when he’d had to quit his job at the bar. Wade had tactfully expressed some discomfort with Logan working at a bar while pregnant and Logan’d had to agree that it wasn’t really safe. Not just because of being around a bunch of drunks, but because mutant sentiment was not totally positive even in this year and universe. It would only grow more and more obvious as time went on, even to strangers, that Logan wasn’t simply chubby.
So now he was jobless again, putting him into the same mooching situation he’d had when he first started living with Wade. All he could do to compensate was clean house and make food like a f*cking barefoot trad-wife. He oscillated between fuming and humiliated, often several times a day.
It made Logan feel even worse how much Wade was doting on him. He’d taken to offering to rub Logan’s back or feet if he complained about being sore. He’d bought him one of those long pillows to support his belly while he slept, and Logan had learned not to voice his cravings because Wade would run all around New York to find them for him. They already were going to be more short on cash now that Logan had to be on the down low until after the baby came, he felt guilty thinking of Wade spending any extra money or time to make him comfortable. Mercenary work wasn’t that much better than the dealership, and Logan absolutely didn’t want Wade to do more of it than was necessary. He wasn’t some delicate flower, he could handle the minor discomforts of this. He’d endured far worse.
He said so to Wade one night, when he came home from the dealership with a greasy paper bag of fried pickles.
“You don’t have to baby me. I’m not a baby, I’m having one,”
Wade pursed his lips. “I’m aware. You’re awfully muscular and hairy which makes it hard for anyone to mistake you as a baby,”
“What I mean is you don’t have to try to indulge my cravings and do this doting bullsh*t like I’m a girl. I can handle a little discomfort,”
“You can,” Wade said slowly, agreeing with him, “but you don’t have to, peanut. That’s the point. I want to take care of you. It makes me happy to take care of you,”
Logan shifted uncomfortably. He wanted Wade to be happy, he really did. It bewildered him that this was what would do it though.
“I can see the little gears turning in your head,” Wade warned. “I complain about everything on the face of the planet, honey badger. Don’t you think you’d be able to tell if I was doing something I didn’t want to?”
Logan nodded and then quietly ate his pickles, a little curl of guilt still tickling him.
So there was that, the guilt eating at him for being useless and then the second helping of guilt about accepting Wade’s doting so as not to make him unhappy.
∙✧∙
Dinner simmered in a pot on the stovetop while Logan leaned his head into his hands and tried to breathe.
Who the f*ck was Logan kidding himself, thinking that either he or Wade was cut out to be a father? Their kid was going to have two killers, two murderers really, for fathers. For some reason, as he ruminated on this, he held it against himself more than Wade. Wade was always just doing what he had to do, whether it was protecting himself or his friends or just making the rent.
Logan, though. Logan was not always just doing what he had to. In fact, it was usually him not doing what he had to that got good people killed. Whether by claw or by carelessness, the amount of blood on his hands made him ill fit for parenthood.
How could he bring a baby into their f*cked up lives? Lives with f*cking supervillains and monsters, weapons and loss and pain. How much pain would their child endure, just by virtue of being theirs? If it was even a fraction of what either he or Wade had, the idea was intolerable.
He should have taken care of this quietly when he had the chance, without telling Wade. It would have crushed him to do so, but what had he been thinking when he’d said he would keep it? Selfish, so f*cking selfish. Selfish and dangerous, great combination for a dad.
“It smells like something is burning,” Wade’s voice rang through the apartment, interrupting his thoughts, as he slammed the door behind him.
“f*ck,” Logan looked at the stove. “That would be because I’m burning sh*t,”
Wade came into the kitchen, he was suited up from a gig he’d just done. He pulled off his mask and threw it on the counter.
Logan turned off the stove and stirred the sauce he’d had going. It was thick with black chunks now, unsalvageable.
“f*ck,” He snapped again at the the pot. “Okay, sorry it’s going to be awhile for me to get something else put together,”
He was turning to start dumping the pot and Wade watched him for a moment. When he started opening cupboards to see what else they had, Wade’s hand touched his shoulder.
“Come here,” he tugged Logan into a hug as was his habit. “What’s got your goat? You’re brooding again and I don’t think it’s just a messed up sauce,”
Logan sighed through his nose and nodded. Hugs were the one thing he’d stopped feeling bad for accepting from Wade. He didn’t realize that in all his time spent in his old universe he’d been missing it. The comfort of hiding his face, feeling held was really nice. Wade’s scent was stronger here.
“Come on, tell Santa what’s bothering you,”
Logan laughed through his nose.
“What kind of cosmic joke is it to allow us to be parents?” He whispered.
He felt Wade’s jaw clench where it was pressed to the side of his head. Maybe Logan shouldn’t have said ‘us’. Just another f*ck up on his part.
“I think we’d make great dads,” Wade said, unusually diplomatic.
Logan snorted again, the sarcastic little laughs all he had if he didn’t want to cry.
“Okay, so we have a few character flaws that don’t give us the best set up for parenthood,” Wade conceded, “But we’ll really love them and that’s a lot more than some kids have going for them.”
“You think that’s enough?” Logan asked.
“I think it’s somewhere to start,” Wade said.
Logan nodded against his shoulder.
Wade nudged his chin and made Logan look at him, their faces level. Wade pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
“I love you. Now come on, let’s go get some take out,”
Later that night Logan was his hands and knees, Wade kissing the back of his neck softly. His hand lay against the curve of Logan’s belly. Where he might normally fist the hair there and tug, he instead had his palm pressed flat, the pressure barely there while he gently thrust into him. It felt less like f*cking and more like making love.
∙✧∙
“Who do you think we should pick as god parents?”
“We’re both f*cking immortal, I don’t think that’s a problem,” Logan scoffed from the counter where he was making himself a sandwich. He was so f*cking hungry all of the damn time now.
Wade peeked over the fridge door. “I’ll admit it is a bit of a formality, but still, think of how flattered who ever we asked would be,”
Logan hummed, but didn’t answer.
“Do you think the baby will be immortal too?” Wade asked.
Logan paused, knife hovering above the bread. Would the baby be immortal? Suddenly the images of their child growing up, growing old and dying and him and Wade just staying the same, living without them flashed through his mind. Then he had an even worse thought, if the baby didn’t have a healing factor like they did, they would constantly be in danger. He couldn’t help but picture a fragile little baby and imagine all the ways if could get hurt around him or Wade in their insane f*cking life together. He felt like he’d been punched in the gut.
“I don’t know,” he said, touching his stomach.
Wade seemed to sense his sudden mood shift.
Suddenly, without his permission, tears were welling in his eyes and starting to drop down his face.
“Oh no, come here, peanut,” Wade pulled him into a hug.
“There, there. Tell Waderade what’s got you upset,”
Logan sniffed and sighed, shaking his head against Wade’s neck.
“Was it what I said about the healing factor?”
He sniffed and wiped his face, “Probably just stupid hormones,” he grumbled. A co*cktail of hormones instead of a real goddamned co*cktail. First thing when this baby was out of him, he was chugging like ten bottles of Jack to make up for lost time.
Wade’s mouth slanted with both skepticism and pity. “It’s not stupid,”
Logan met his gaze and could see the worry there in his brown eyes too now.
∙✧∙
At the next appointment, Hank happily told them it looked like they would be having a girl. Wade smiled at the fuzzy image on the screen and squeezed Logan’s hand.
Logan nodded, unable to think much of the baby’s gender (Sex! Wade’s voice chided him inside of his head) with a far more pressing question nagging him.
“Can you— Is there any way to tell if the baby has the same healing factor that we do?” He asked quietly.
Hank nodded. “Yes, I think I can determine that for you. One moment,” He left the room.
He came back moments later with a rather formidable looking needle attached to a syringe. The needle was at least five inches long.
“I’ll just need to take a blood sample directly from her. This may pinch a little,”
The needle sank steadily into Logan’s belly, disappearing inch by inch. It looked gross, but after all the pain he’d experienced before, he could barely feel it.
“Does that hurt her?” Logan whispered while Hank drew the plunger a few millimeters. The tube filled with a dime sized amount of blood.
Hank bit his lip. “Maybe a small pinch, but it really shouldn’t have been much. Not as much discomfort as you would have experienced,” He said as he removed the needle.
Logan nodded.
∙✧∙
Logan’s phone rang while they were having Saturday night dinner with all of their friends over. When he saw it was Hank he excused himself from the table. Wade’s eyes followed him as he went out to the hallway.
“Hey Hank,” He said, beginning to pace. Wade stepped out a moment later, tilting his head at him in question. Logan mouthed ‘Hank’ at him.
“Hello Logan, I just was calling to let you know the results of my tests,” Logan held his breath, “and I’m happy to inform you that the baby appears to have a healing factor similar to both of yours,”
Relief flooded him. He thanked Hank and when there wasn’t anything else to say, hung up. He turned to Wade beaming.
“She has a healing factor too, just like us,”
Something in Wade’s posture relaxed.
“So when you inevitably drop her on her head, she’ll be okay,” Logan joked. He felt light and giddy with the news.
Wade mocked offense, “I would never! It’s good to know running with scissors won’t ever be a problem for us though,”
“I think scissors are one of the safer things we’ve got in here,” Logan made an exaggerated glare at the door of the apartment.
“Now we’ll just have to wait to see what the munchkin’s cool powers are with the basics out of the way,”
When they went back inside, Logan pulled Laura off to the side and they asked her to be the baby’s godmother.
“It’s more of a ceremonial request, since all four of us are immortal,” Wade reassured her.
She nearly glowed as she said yes. Logan hugged her and then Wade hugged around both of them.
∙✧∙
Logan looked down at the display case, torn. He was having trouble deciding between a white gold band and a regular gold band. Gold was more traditional, but the silvery color of white gold would match Wade’s style better.
With the weight of the baby’s immortality off his shoulders, Logan’s mind had room for other things and he had began making plans to propose to Wade which was what led him into the jewelry store.
Maybe it was still too soon, but Logan was a bit old fashioned and well, if they were going to have a kid together, they should be married. He doesn’t think Wade will mind the speed, after all he’d half joked about marrying Logan the first time they slept together. Logan smiled to himself, picturing Wade’s joy when he popped the question.
He ended up picking the white. There’s nothing traditional about them anyways.
His smile stuck to his face the entire time he chatted with the jeweler and paid. He whistled a little as he left the store swinging the small bag with the ring nestled in its little velvet box.
∙✧∙
Two days after that, Wade proposed in their grubby little kitchen.
Logan looked down at him, on one knee on their yellowed vinyl tiles, brown eyes bright and wide with hope. He couldn’t do this right now.
The chair scraped as he stood and paced a few feet away, running a hand through his hair.
“Um, okay…” Wade said behind him. He heard the soft click of the ring box being closed and Wade shifting to his feet. “What’s the matter? Not fancy enough?”
“No, it’s fine. It was sweet,” Logan said. It had been sweet. Wade’s tender speech, without a single joke had made his heart thrum and twinge in equal measure.
“Then why are you upset?”
“I’m not,” Logan growled.
“Baby come back, yeah, you can blame it all on me,” Wade sang softly.
“I’m not f*cking angry,”
“’Cause I was wrong, and I just can't live without you,”
“Stop f*cking singing,”
Wade sighed.
“Seriously, kitten. What’s wrong? We can keep living in sin, I don’t mind! I thought maybe that you would want to get hitched though, what with the baby and all, but its really no pressure,”
“I do want to,” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled violently.
“Then please tell me what’s the matter?” Wade said, laying a hand on his shoulder.
Logan chewed the inside of his cheek and flexed his hand a few times.
“Alright, fine. I wanted to do it! I had plans to propose to you,” Logan snapped and scrubbed a hand over his face.
Wade looked puzzled. “You said I could though,”
“I know what I said,” Logan became defensive.
Wade stroked his shoulder quietly for a moment.
“I feel like maybe there’s something you’re mad about that’s not who asked who,” Wade said slowly.
Logan breathed heavily, flexing his hands some more.
“I don’t want to be the girl in the relationship,” he muttered finally. “You asking, me being—“ he waved a hand at his belly. He didn’t even want to mention that for all Wade proudly called them switches, he took his share of being on bottom more than twice as much as Wade did. That’s what had gotten him into the former mess.
To Wade’s credit, he didn’t start immediately making jokes. The hand he had placed on Logan’s shoulder snaked to wrap around him entirely and pull him into an embrace. Logan allowed it, turning his face into Wade’s neck.
“You’re not the girl, peanut. You’re far more manly than I am. Look at all this hair and beef and you’re literally so metal that your actual skeleton is metal! Really, the universe made you pregnant to compensate for otherwise making me seem like the girl. ‘Cause with my Hello Kitty obsession, lean frame, and fabulous affect, everyone who thinks there has to be a twink in a gay relationship thinks it’s me,”
Logan nodded against his neck, still feeling a little sullen despite Wade’s comfort.
“Tell ya what, forget I asked. You ask me, whenever you want. You can even stab me in the head a bunch right now to make me grow new brain cells and forget this happened,” Wade pulled back slightly, forcing Logan to meet his eyes.
“I’m not going to stab you in the head,” Logan managed to smile slightly. “But I would like that, getting to ask you,”
“I eagerly await it, honey badger. Maybe in the meantime there’s another kind of stabbing you can give me to make you feel better,” Wade grinned, wiggling his brows.
Wade led him into the bedroom and rode him reverse cowgirl, complete with high pitched moans and whiny pleading for Logan’s ‘huge co*ck’.
Afterwards, with Wade snuggled into his chest, he did feel a little better. He thought about the ring box nestled away in his clothing drawer and rethought how he would go about proposing.
∙✧∙
“Do you think you’ll produce milk?” Wade asked one evening. Logan nearly spat out his apple juice.
“I f*cking hope not,” he sputtered. He f*cking hated having juice instead of whiskey.
“I was kind of hoping you would actually,”
“And f*cking why is that? Do I even want to f*cking know?”
“Maybe not,” Wade whispered, barely more than a breath of air.
∙✧∙
Things were progressing well with the pregnancy. They went together to their regular appointments with Hank at X Mansion, who Logan was starting to like much the way he liked the Hank of his universe who had passed away. The morning sickness had stopped, Yukio was planning a baby shower for them, and Logan’s belly continued to grow.
Jeans had been the first thing Logan had been unable to keep wearing. When he’d first taken the tests, he’d barely been able to get the button shut. That quickly went to being unable to get it there at all, and he’d stubbornly kept wearing the jeans with a belt to keep them together and leaving his shirts untucked to cover it. That had been sufficient until the zippers had started to keep sliding down and he’d had to tug them closed every few minutes. Reluctantly, he’d given the jeans up and began wearing the sweatpants Wade had gotten him.
The flannel shirts he’d purchased with some of his bar tips had held on a little longer. When he’d had to leave the last button or two or three of the shirts undone though and it started reminding him of a beer gut he’d sneered at his reflection. He hated how the tank tops looked as well now, highlighting each unfamiliar curve. His body hadn’t changed in more than a hundred years and he didn’t like that it was now. He wore the zip-up from Wade non-stop until Wade noticed he was only wearing the one outfit.
Wade had then immediately dragged him to Walmart and bought a bunch of lounge clothes in 2XL sizes which only made Logan frown harder. He’d never thought of himself as vain, but then again he’d never been anything but lean either. Now he sulked, having been relegated to sweats and over sized t shirts, boxers two sizes too big, and hoodies for the next three and a half months.
“I look fat,” he grumbled under his breath.
“You look adorable,” Wade swooned. “So snuggly,”
Wade dragged him off to bed and had his way with him.
He got Logan onto his side, sweating and flushed. Wade plastered along his back, thrusting gently, caressing all of him. Textured hands trailed over his chest, his hips, and especially his rounding stomach. The bastard clearly got off on it, but it felt good so Logan didn’t stop him.
He cried out and came when Wade finally grabbed his dick instead of his belly.
∙✧∙
The ring has been burning a hole in Logan’s pocket all night. Wade had come home late, covered in blood and with a tear in his suit, chipper in the wake of a gig well done. They’d gone to a diner for a late dinner after he’d cleaned up. Now they were walking home, under the moonlight.
Even though he knew Wade would say yes, he’d asked first after all, Logan felt nervous.
Now seemed like a good time though, so he stopped and tugged Wade to a stop too.
Wade tilted his head, brown eyes curious.
Taking a deep breath, Logan kneeled and pulled out the tiny velvet box.
“Oh my god,” Wade squealed, pressing his hands to his rough cheeks.
Logan smiled and flipped open the lid of the box.
“Yes!” Wade shrieked, “Yes, yes, yes, yes!”
“Can I do my speech?” He asked smiling patiently.
Wade nodded, smile still giddy. Logan took another deep breath to steady himself.
“When I met you, I was so far down at rock bottom I was breaking new ground. I had nothing, I was nothing. Then you came along, you pointed a gun at my head, dragged me through the multiverse, and got me into some of the bloodiest scraps I’ve ever had — and you flirted with me the whole way. You were the most batsh*t person I’d ever met,”
“Strong start,” Wade whispered.
“Shut up,” Logan chuckled, practically glowing as he continued, “You’re the most important person to me in any universe. You dragged me out of hell and adopted me into your circus of friends. You’ve taken care of me, you’ve given me countless reasons to laugh, more than the rest of my life put together. Meeting you and everything that has come after feels like an impossible dream coming true,”
Despite himself, Logan’s eyes began to water as he spoke.
“You were willing to sacrifice yourself for me when I had nothing. Now after having been here, in this universe with you for awhile now, I have everything I could ever want and it’s here right in front of me. If I only ever had this moment, I don’t care what happens after. I am full in on your crazy, it’s taking over my whole life and I couldn’t ask for anything else. I love you so goddamn much. Wade Wilson, will you marry me?”
By the time he was done, Wade looked like that emoji he was always sending Logan. The one with big shiny black eyes and a tiny mouth.
“I don’t want to hear you say you don’t get a Greatest Showman reference ever again after that speech,” Wade said wiping away his tears and pulling Logan to his feet into a hug.
Logan embraced him, wiping away one of the tears with his thumb.
“You knew it was coming. Why are you crying?” Logan asked, grin tugging at his cheeks.
“It was a really nice speech,” he said.
“I’m glad you liked it,” Logan kept his hand against Wade’s cheek, and Wade pressed his face into it. “I meant every word of it.”
“When do you want to do it?” Wade chirped.
“Let’s do it after she gets here. I want to be able to wear a suit and not look like I’ve got a beer gut,”
“I would marry you in the zip-up,” Wade said, toying with the zipper of it at Logan’s collar now, “I’ve told you before, you look so babygirl in it,”
Logan snickered and nuzzled his cheek with the tip of his nose.
∙✧∙
Logan hated his life a little bit right now.
Hank was examining him to assess what the birth options were going to look like. He’d already prodded Logan’s stomach a million times, been forcefully reassured there were no extra goddamned holes Logan had missed his entire two-hundred year life, been rapidly assured with one brief flash that the front was not an option, and now there was really only one part left to look at. The part Logan had been dreading since that very first appointment.
Logan was bent over the paper covered table, the back of his sweats pulled down just under his ass. Wade stood in the corner, biting his fist to keep back the giggles from what Logan was sure was a furious and embarrassed expression on his own face.
“This may feel a little uncomfortable,” Hank warned. A cool, slicked gloved finger probed him. Gentle at first, then deeper as he clinically searched him. It didn’t matter how gentle he was though, because Hank’s fingers weren’t exactly normal sized. It was like going straight to three of Wade’s.
Logan couldn’t stop the whine that escaped his throat.
Across the room, Wade eyes met his and Wade smirked. Logan’s face burned red hot.
“Sorry if it’s unpleasant,” Hank said absentmindedly, still searching with his index finger.
“Oh, I think it’s anything but unpleasant for him,” Wade snarked, evident delight in his voice. Logan buried his face into his folded arms to hide his shame.
“Erm,” Hank removed his hand, “I’ve determined what I needed to know.”
“And I have also determined a few things,” Wade said. Logan could practically hear the devil horns appearing above his scabby head.
Logan grabbed the waistband of his sweats and yanked them up. Hank threw away the glove and grabbed his clipboard, but Wade was already dragging Logan toward the door.
“Well, it’s been lovely seeing you Hank, but we have places to be, things to do, you know? You can give us your professional opinion at the next appointment,” Wade said as he steered Logan out. Logan didn’t even argue about staying to find out if Hank was able to determine what the birth process would look like, which had been the entire point of the examination. He just wanted to escape as quickly as possible.
Before Logan knew what was happening, Wade had them in one of the mansion’s many bathrooms with his back pressed against the wooden door. Wade’s hands were running over the planes of his body both rounded and sharp. His mouth was latched to Logan’s neck, kissing and biting at him.
He mouthed along his jaw until he reached his lips and kissed him wet and hard, then broke away to run his mouth.
“Was it just the feeling, or is it a secret doctor kink? Secret humiliation kink? Secret—“
“No f*cking secret kinks,” Logan snarled under Wade’s lips.
“So you really just love how it feels that much? God, that’s actually even hotter,” He captured Logan’s lips again and licked into his mouth frantically. One of his hands snuck beneath the stretchy waistband of Logan’s sweats and gripped him. Logan stiffened in his palm, shifting his thighs apart slightly.
“Such a slu*t for it, no wonder I got you pregnant,” Wade murmured into his mouth.
Logan didn’t even argue at this point. His face was flushed and coated in a thin sheen of sweat as Wade worked at him. After just a few tugs he sank to his knees pulled Logan’s sweats down around his thighs with him.
He sucked Logan’s co*ck into his mouth to the root in one smooth motion and reached between his thighs. His fingers prodded where Logan was still a little slick and pressed two inside of him.
Logan’s hips stuttered downwards and he huffed a little sigh of pleasure. The tips of Wade’s fingers found his good spot fast and pressed it. He spread his thighs a little further apart, as much as the waistband of the sweats would allow.
He couldn’t really see around his stomach to look at Wade, so he just held onto the sides of his head while the man sucked him like a wet-vac and thrust his fingers into him wildly. Enthusiastic slurps and moans vibrated around his co*ck.
Logan came fast, spilling down Wade’s throat with a groan. He took it all, nose pressed to Logan’s skin. Wade pulled off of him with a wet pop.
After panting against the door for a moment, Logan peered around his belly and saw Wade coming into his hand, looking up at him blissfully.
“Whose the slu*t now, Mr. Couldn’t Wait Til We Got Home? They probably heard us,”
Wade grinned with no shame, “Honestly? I kind of hope they did,”
∙✧∙
They had their baby shower in one of the lounges of X Mansion. Yukio had taken it upon herself to plan the entire thing, insisting that she was really excited to.
“So you don’t have to clean up after,” she had said with a bright grin when she told him it would be at the school. Dopinder had driven them up as he was of course invited to the actual party.
The lounge had been decorated with a mass of streamers, balloons, and shiny table topper thingies all in pastel pink. Wade cooed and praised Yukio’s decorating skills, and Logan had placed a heavy hand on her shoulder and thanked her genuinely for putting this together. She was a good kid.
All of their friends had been invited along with many of the X-Men. They weren’t Logan’s X-Men, but they were all getting to be on better terms since Taskmaster and the pregnancy. Logan happily chatted with Dopinder and Peter, with Colossus and Bobby, with Vanessa and her now husband.
“I would have never bet you two would beat us on the baby-train,” Vanessa had gently teased Wade.
Eventually, getting a little wiped from all the socializing, Logan found himself sipping sodas in the corner with Laura quietly, appreciating Wade’s ability to entertain a crowd. All of the attention and natural social requirements of the event made Logan wish he could have a drink to loosen up, or a smoke. He’d taken to chewing toothpicks instead since he couldn’t do either. Everyone wanted to touch him all the time now, giving him hugs and asking to touch his belly. The hugs he minded less, but he was so damn self-conscious of how his stomach looked right now that he just wanted to claw the next person who asked to touch it. He’d never been much of a touchy-feely guy to begin with.
After enough time of everyone visiting, Yukio had them play several baby themed games, such as pin the binky on the baby, a pink balloon pop, and a sort of guessing game where Logan had to describe his cravings without actually saying what they were and everyone would write down on little pieces of paper what they thought the answer was. Wade won none of the games and still smiled the brightest of anyone there.
After that, it was time for gifts. Logan sat beside him quietly and watched Wade open the gifts, content to have the attention off of him for a few minutes.
Logan glanced around at all of their faces, sat in a circle watching Wade. They had all be so nice and supportive, not a single one making fun of him the way he’d expected.
The two of them were surrounded by an explosion of brightly colored paper and gift bags. Wade read each of the cards aloud and he held up tiny onesies and rattles and stuff, praising each item and saying thank you. It really was sweet of them, not just to be supportive but to get them this stuff. Logan’s chest felt squeezed a little.
When the gift part was done, Yukio said it was time for cake and made Ellie come help her. The rest of the guests milled about, waiting politely and chatting with each other.
Wade leaned back into the couch and put an arm around Logan.
“Are you having fun?”
“I guess,” he said gruffly.
“What was your favorite of the haul?”
“None of this stuff is really for us, it’s for the baby,” Logan said.
“I liked the matching ducky print blanket and onesie from Laura,”
“Yeah, that’ll look cute on her. I like the little sleeper bag thing from Bobby,”
Ellie came up to them with two slices of cake on little pink paper plates. The inside of the cake was chocolate, the outside frosted baby pink with white sprinkles.
“Here you go,” She said, gracing them with a rare smile.
They ate the cake together, Wade trying to sneak extra bites of his to Logan.
“You’re going to make it hard for me to get my pre-baby body back after this,” He said around a sweet bite.
“Well I’m not Nicepool,” Wade rolled his eyes, “I don’t think about things like that,”
Logan kissed his cheek.
∙✧∙
They were curled up in bed right now, Logan’s long pillow making them comfy. Wade rested his head on Logan’s shoulder and was scrolling on his phone, occasionally bursting out laughing and showing Logan a meme. Logan was reading a book, resting it on top of his stomach. It was good for a few things at least.
That was when he felt it. A little fluttering sensation in his stomach. He lifted his book at stared. He brought his empty hand to lay flat on his stomach.
“Wade,” He said.
“Hm?” Wade hummed, not looking away from a video of dancing kittens.
“Feel this,”
Wade put down his phone and looking to where Logan’s hand lay, laid his alongside it. His eyes widened.
“Why hello there,” He whispered reverently.
They sat, feeling her little movements for the next twenty minutes until she settled. After that, Wade was always asking if Logan could feel her and bending down to say hello himself when Logan told him she was moving.
∙✧∙
The click of a gun made Logan stop in his tracks.
A fear that he’d never felt before at that sound sprang up in his chest. He resisted bringing his hand to his stomach, a motion that had become so common for him now.
He was alone. There was no one else out on their little side street this late at night. Wade was at a party Peter was throwing for having reached level 120 in World of Warcraft. Logan hadn’t felt up to joining him, said he’d rather have a quiet night in with Al, but that Wade should go. After a few hours with Al in front of the TV, Logan had left her snoring and was just popping down to the corner store get ice cream.
Now he turned slowly, to see who was pointing a gun at him.
It was Paradox.
He looked just as haggard as the last time Logan had seen him, even though his nose had healed. His suit was rumpled and the shirt he wore underneath had a gray stain on it.
“You know that won’t do anything,” Logan said it with more confidence than he felt.
“Adamantium bullets,” Paradox spat, “They might not kill you, but I do think that they sting a little more. They also give me the added benefit of knocking you unconscious while I have my revenge,”
No bullet could truly kill Logan, not even an adamantium one. It could take him down long enough for something terrible to happen though.
“What do you want?”
“What I do I want?” He scoffed, waving the gun a little. Logan’s heart lurched this way and that in sync with the barrel. “What I want, is for you to be dead. Both of you. The nearest thing to that is causing you an insufferable amount of pain though, so I’ll take what I can get,” He lowered the gun to point at Logan’s stomach and smirked, eyes hard.
Logan dropped the plastic bag. He unsheathed his claws with a snikt and crossed them over his stomach in an X.
“Cute,” Paradox sneered.
“Why?” Logan said. Maybe if he could just keep him talking, adopt one of Wade’s methods.
Paradox sighed, “Because Taskmaster failed to do what he was paid for and I was fired when it got back to the TVA what I’d done, I’ve got nothing left to lose now. The both of you have ruined my f*cking life! God, the two of you are like f*cking roaches! I guess the saying is true. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself,”
Logan steeled himself. He couldn’t afford to be reckless in a fight like he normally would. The baby had a healing factor, but who knew what level it was currently at? Logan wasn’t confident that she could take an adamantium bullet, powers or not. He couldn’t take the risk of a bullet anywhere else either. His heart raced, picturing Paradox stealing the child from his body while it fought to heal him, taking her, hurting her just to be spiteful.
Paradox raised the gun, pointing it at Logan’s head.
Logan tensed, preparing to dodge, to make a run for it if he could. Something he’d never once considered before.
Right as he was about to lunge, Paradox’s head exploded. Red splattered the pavement, a little spraying onto Logan’s face. He recoiled.
Where Paradox’s face had been, he now saw Wade. The mangled body was slumped at his feet.
Wade started back at him, not even doing his typical blowing over the gun or making a sassy joke, just looking enraged and scared.
He stepped over Paradox’s corpse and embraced Logan, pressing his face into his hair. Rattling breaths puffed past his ear. He sheathed his claws and clung to Wade, trying to still his own rapid heart beat.
When his breaths had calmed, he leaned back slightly to look at Logan.
“Thanks,” Logan murmured.
“No problem, kitten. You weren’t destined to be a dead daydream wife smiling under a white sheet,” Wade’s thumb stroked his cheek, smearing the tiny amount of blood that had landed on him.
“He couldn’t have killed me,” Logan left unsaid that he wasn’t so sure about her.
“It’s okay, it doesn’t matter now,” Wade whispered. “You’re safe. Both of you,”
Logan sighed shakily. He wasn’t used to feeling scared in situations like this. A hysterical burst of air huffed out him, because how sick was it that he could say he’d been in enough situations like this to know what he usually felt like in them? He looked down past Wade’s embrace at the mess of Paradox’s brains splattered on the pavement.
For the first time since the morning sickness ended, he lost the contents of his stomach. The vomit mixed with the mess that had made him ill.
“That’s nasty, but probably about what he deserves,” Wade mused. “Let’s get you out of here, kitten. I’ll call the X-Men to come clean up my mess. It’s their favorite hobby after all,”
“No its not,” Logan grumbled weakly, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.
Wade grabbed the plastic bag from the ground that had Logan’s ice cream.
“You’re lucky, I don’t even think the bag got any brains on it. Though, even if it had, the ice cream is in a container,”
Logan heaved again.
∙✧∙
Logan should’ve felt safe now that Paradox was dead, but that wasn’t the case. Anxiety ate at him, paranoia dogged his steps. Logan was reluctant to leave the apartment alone, and despite having a built in weapon had taken to carrying one of Wade’s guns when he did leave. The gun was longer range than the claws.
Wade was clearly affected by the incident too. He hovered over Logan more, touched him more frequently and the guy already touched Logan a lot. He was reluctant to leave Logan’s side, even just leaving him at the apartment to go to do his gigs. Logan had to shoo him out the door, but after he left Logan always paced and fretted until he returned.
Didn’t matter that the guy was dead, his ghost and the lingering awareness that threats would always be present in their lives loomed over them.
One evening he found Wade lying on their bed, staring at the wall instead of his phone. Finding him sitting still without any kind of entertainment was usually a red flag.
“What’s the matter?” Logan asked, sitting on the bed beside him and reaching out to rub his arm.
“What if you were right? I think I might end up being a terrible f*cking dad,” Wade murmured.
“Woah, hey, I didn’t say that you would be a terrible dad. When did I say that?” Logan floundered.
“Before we knew she was like us. You said it was a cosmic joke for us to be parents,”
Logan groaned. “I didn’t really mean it about you, as much as I meant it about myself,”
“Still, it is kind of f*cked up to let me have a kid,”
Logan shook his shoulder, “Hey, stop that. You’re going to do just fine. Any kid would be lucky to have a dad like you,”
“A psychotic mercenary who thinks they’re the world’s best comedian? I don’t know…”
“A guy who will always listen to them, protect them, make them laugh and feel loved. I think that sounds pretty great,” Logan said. He shifted onto the bed fully and spooned Wade the best he could with his belly in the way. He quickly wriggled around to face Logan though.
“I guess that doesn’t sound so bad,”
Logan rubbed his arm and smiled at him across the pillow. “You’re going to do just fine, don’t get down on yourself,”
“Say more pretty words to me,”
Logan snorted and kissed his forehead.
∙✧∙
Moving into the new apartment at eight months pregnant stressed Logan out even though Wade had done all the work. He’d been the one to search for places and do all the paperwork and make appointments.
Logan hadn’t really thought about their living space at all, until Wade was already taking him to the walk through to make sure he liked the inside and the location, having done all of this without a word. He realized walking through the brightly lit three bedroom in Brooklyn though that their current space wasn’t really great for a baby. Bullet holes in the drywall and outlets with exposed wiring aside, the neighborhood was also rough. This place Wade had him look at was nice though, with one room to be his and Wade’s, one would be Al’s, and the smallest would be for the baby.
Wade came up behind him, looping his arms around Logan’s shoulders.
“Talk about, talk about, talk about moving,” he sang softly into Logan’s ear. “Do you like it?”
Logan placed his hand over Wade’s on his shoulder. “Yeah, it’s good. You did good, I like it.”
∙✧∙
“Gotta make a move to a town that’s right for me,” Wade sang as he was carrying out boxes. “Town to keep me movin’, keep me groovin’ with some energy,” he continued on his way back in for more.
Wade didn’t let him or Al carry anything, relegating them only to packing up light items and filling the boxes. Peter had come over to help and the two of them moved everything out, taking several trips, leaving the pair of them to sit on the couch until all that was left was the TV and the couch and Mary Puppins.
Logan tried to help with those, but he’d been swatted away yet again as Wade cursed and dragged the couch with Peter through the door and into the elevator on its end. So he couldn’t really say why it stressed him out to be moving, since Wade was glaring at him anytime he tried to do something besides watch.
Finally at the new apartment, the furniture relatively in place but scatted with cardboard boxes, Logan breathed a little sigh of relief. Maybe it was just the nesting instinct or something. Christmas had come and gone, and moving just after the New Year felt like a fresh start. He watched Mary Puppins tentatively sniff the new place over.
Wade took his hand. “Come look at this,” He said, eyes shining without mischief for once.
Logan followed him to the smallest room and looked around. He swallowed thickly as he took it in.
No cardboard boxes in here. Wade had already unpacked everything. Against the far wall a crib was under the window, the zoo animal mobile dangling above it. The nearest had a little dresser with a pad on top for changing, and in the corner was a rocking chair Logan hadn’t seen before.
“I got it from the thrift store,” Wade said, noticing his eyes on it. He nudged him towards it.
Logan went across the room and sat down, giving it a few test rocks. Wade followed him and stroked his arm.
“It will be perfect for you to breast feed in,” Wade whispered with his classic style of serious delivery.
Logan threw his head back and laughed until he felt her kicking at him for disturbing her.
∙✧∙
“We need to think about what she’s going to call us,” Wade said.
“What do you mean?” Logan asked.
“Well, we can’t both be dad. Though Dad-Pool is a fun idea. I was thinking you can be dad and I can be papa, since we already call me Mary Puppins’ papa,”
“Okay, if you like it,” Logan said, turning back to the TV and munching on some more of the popcorn from the bowl between them.
“We’re getting pretty close, do you think we should start thinking about a name for her?”
Logan paused, hand midair holding some popcorn.
He looked down. They hadn’t talked about picking a name. He felt stupid realizing that he hadn’t thought of it even once. She would be here in less than six weeks.
“I was thinking maybe something like Beretta Ninety-Two,”
“We’re not naming her after a gun,” Logan shook his head, smiling despite himself.
“Okay, maybe My Melody? Then if we have a second we can name her Kuromi,”
Logan choked on his laughter, “Okay, you do not get to name her or any potential future ones.”
“Oh, come on! If you don’t like that, what about Wade Wilson the Second?”
“Its a girl,”
“Wadette?”
“f*ck off,” Logan ate the popcorn from his hand, smiling.
“Can I pick the middle name at least?”
Logan hummed, “Maybe,”
∙✧∙
There were at yet another appointment with Hank. Logan’s face heated slightly at the memory of their last appointment. At first he’d had them come in every four to six weeks, but now he was having them come in every other week for the last two months of the pregnancy. Since Logan’s pregnancy was abnormal to say the least, he said he wanted to keep a close eye on things as they got towards the end.
Logan had wiped away the clear goo and been able to pull his sweatshirt back down. He lay back on the paper covered table, holding Wade’s hand.
“Am I going to be able to, you know,” Logan waved his other hand in a vaguely down and outward gesture.
Hanks adjusted his glasses and licked his lip. “I’m you glad you brought this up, because I was also planning for us to have this discussion today. I do not think you’ll be able to give birth naturally, no,”
Logan sighed in relief. Wade still felt tight, he didn’t like the idea of pushing a baby out, even with a healing factor.
“So then what’s the plan?”
“Well, we’ll have to do a cesarian. You do not have the natural means to birth her and your metal pelvis would have made things complicated, regardless,”
“How’s that going to work?” Wade asked from Logan’s side. “You can’t cut him open for more than a minute at a time. Are you planning to speed run it?”
Hank fiddled with his clipboard and adjusted his glasses again.
“Yes, I’ve been talking with the team about this, brainstorming a little if you will,”
Logan frowned. Everyone knew he was pregnant at this point, there was no avoiding it. However, the idea of the X-Men talking about his pregnancy and what to do about it without him around made him uncomfortable. Really, his life was an exercise in discomfort right now though so he didn’t complain.
“As you know, after your final fight with Taskmaster we were able to recover the Muramasa blade—”
Oh f*ck, Logan did not like where this was going.
“It was suggested that we might use the blade to create an incision that would not heal right away while we deliver the child. Once the child is out, we can cut away the edges with a traditional scalpel and allow your healing factor to take effect.
“You want to give me a c-section with a mother f*cking sword?” Logan snorted in disbelief. Wade’s face was a blank mask.
“We don’t have a ton of other options, Logan,” Hank said, scratching the back of his neck and looking away. “Anything else and as Wade said, you’ll heal too quickly,”
Logan sighed. “Fine,”
Hank sighed with some clear relief. “Let’s schedule a day for it. Your natural due date would be the 22nd, so let’s plan for a little more than a week before that,”
Logan nodded and squeezed Wade’s hand. Wade looked back at him with a pasted on grin. Logan wasn’t sure whether it might be the idea of Logan going under the knife with the knife actually being dangerous to him, or the fact that it would be the blade that had nearly mortally wounded Wade himself that was bothering him. Either way, it was a little f*cked.
∙✧∙
Logan sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the nursery, chewing on a toothpick, not really thinking about anything. He felt rather content for once.
On one rock back he felt a strange tug in his abdomen and then there was a sudden wetness seeping across his rear and thighs.
f*ck.
“Wade,” He called, exhaling slowly to hold onto some semblance of calm.
“Yes, kitten-whiskers-love-and-light-of-my-life?” Wade’s voice echoed from the kitchen.
“Get in here,”
“Coming,” He called, still sing song.
Logan swallowed and tapped the arms of the rocking chair with his fingers while he waited. The wetness soaking into his clothes was just beginning to cool to the air.
Wade popped his head in the door way. “Yes?”
“My water broke,” Logan said evenly.
Wade’s eyes looked down to his lap and bulged slightly.
“f*ck,”
“Yep,” Logan grunted. There was the beginnings of a stronger tug in his stomach, somewhat painful.
“Your appointment isn’t until next week,”
“What do you want me to do? Hold her in?” Logan gasped, a real contraction tearing through him now.
“Okay, getting the bag. You hold tight one millisecond, kitten,”
Wade darted away and was back just as quickly, overnight bag hanging from his shoulder. He carefully helped Logan up with an arm under his, wrapped firmly around his waist.
“Time to meet the lady of the hour,”
“Please just shut the f*ck up until she’s out of me,” Logan groaned. He was used to shocking and massive amounts of pain, but the uniqueness of the sensation tearing through his gut was unnerving.
“Shutting up now,” Wade said.
∙✧∙
They took a cab to X Mansion that wasn’t Dopinder’s. He had made plans to take them on Logan’s scheduled date, but since it was such short notice Wade grabbed the first one from the street he could.
The cab driver kept peering in the rearview mirror at them.
“Can you keep your eyes on the road, bub?” Logan finally growled after the fiftieth quizzical look back at them.
“Maybe you should have called an ambulance,” The cab driver mumbled. “You sure about the address, man?” He said more-so to Wade.
“Yep, hundred percent,” Wade stroked Logan’s arm firmly. Logan was sweating and he couldn’t help the moan that escaped him as another contraction squeezed his organs. God, why did the mansion have to be all the way up in f*cking Westchester, forty f*cking minutes away? Maybe they ought to have been staying closer towards the end of this.
Wade pulled out his cellphone and tapped a few buttons. Before Logan could be irritated he was playing on his phone at a time like this, he realized Wade was holding it up to his ear.
“Colossus? Hey, yeah it’s Wade. Um, you know that thing we were coming over for next week? Well, we’re coming over for it right now, actually,” He paused. “Make sure Hank’s ready, because she certainly is. Logan already told me he can’t hold it,”
Logan snarled at him and squeezed the hand in his so hard he heard the bones crack.
“We’ll be on your doorstep in about thirty minutes,” Wade hung up. “Hang in there, honey badger,”
∙✧∙
Logan cursed his healing factor as another contraction made his abdomen seize. There wouldn’t be any anesthesia for this. He wasn’t going to get an epidural because it would drain out of his system faster than they could pump it in.
After he and Wade had pulled up in the cab, everyone had rushed around him helping to hustle him up the steps and onto an operating table that had been set up in the lab.
The white surfaces of the lab, laying on his back with pain ripping at his insides dredged up horrible memories. He tried to push them aside, he didn’t want to think about that as his daughter was about to come into the world.
“Alright Logan, brace yourself,” Hank warned. There were no restraints, no one tried to hold him down because they all knew it was futile. It was up to Logan to keep a grip on himself through this.
“Do you want me to hold your hand?” Wade asked, right by his side. “Its okay if you turn it to mush, honey badger,”
Logan shook his head, unable to form words.
He let his claws slide out and stabbed them into the bed underneath him.
“I’m going to start now,” Hank warned them. “I’ll try to be as efficient as possible, Logan,”
There was no sheet to part Logan from the visuals. He saw Hank pick up the Muramasa blade from a table of silver operating tools. The red gleam made him sweat harder.
Hank was delicate as he applied the minimum amount of pressure to break the skin.
Logan’s neck strained and he roared at the biting pain. It was like a line of fire.
Then another delicate stroke through the fat, another through the muscles. He lost count. He could distantly hear himself screaming, everything in his blurry mind focused on holding still so that the blade wouldn’t cut her.
The pain didn’t abate the way it normally would, it didn’t ever dull from the white hot initial cut. If anything it burned him hotter and hotter, the contractions all through it making him feel like his organs were about to fall out of him. Pulsing, radiating pain was all he could feel.
Then he could feel hands digging around inside of him and he vomited. Cool, rough hands held his head to the side, wiped his mouth. Distantly he knew it was Wade.
— and then a wonderful little scream wiped his mind blank everything for a second.
“Let me hold her,” Logan gasped.
“One moment Logan, just one moment. Wade’s got her while I’m finishing up with you,”
Logan felt the cold cut of the scalpel now and instead of hurting it felt like ice on the white hot pain. He groaned in relief, as with each piece Hank cut away his healing factor kicked in.
As soon as Hank made the final incision, Wade was pressing a warm bundle into Logan’s arms. Logan looked down at her, breathless.
She had a shock of dark hair and her face was red as she squalled.
She was the most beautiful thing Logan had ever seen.
“Hey there, kiddo,” He whispered, stroking the hair and cradling her head. “Little Jubilee,”
“Jubilee,” Wade whispered reverently, from beside him. He stroked Logan’s damp hair while he pet hers. “That’s what you decided?”
“Jubilant, actually. Jubilee for short,” He whispered back.
“And you thought I was going to pick bad,” Wade muttered with no venom, pressing a kiss to the top of Logan’s head.
Logan would’ve smacked him if his hands weren’t full.
∙✧∙
They didn’t have to stay like they would at a real hospital for a normal birth, but they stayed for a few hours anyways so that Hank could make sure the baby was in fact normal. A few of the X-Men had peeked in to take a look at her, but for the most part Logan and Wade were left to enjoy their newest family member in peace.
Logan felt strange with his body compact around the middle again. He was glad he didn’t have to deal with the soreness that new mothers usually did. He already felt right as rain.
They were in one of the lounges, Logan sat in a normal armchair feeding her a bottle of formula. Wade leaned over the back of the chair, chin hooked on Logan’s shoulder, watching her with rapt fascination and complete adoration.
“I’m glad she looks like you, I was worried…” Wade whispered.
Logan frowned. “It wouldn’t have mattered,”
“It would have.” Wade said softly. “Maybe not to you, you would love her no matter what, but life will be easier for her looking like you.”
“Wade,” Logan said, sadness tinging his tone. He didn’t know what to say. He was attracted to Wade, but he wasn’t an idiot. He did know that he wasn’t conventionally attractive and that strangers, humans, were cruel.
Wade reached out with one of his scarred hands to stroke her fuzzy head. She really did have so much hair for a newborn.
Logan grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss to the palm.
“She’ll have your last name. I’ll take it too when we get married. Did you pick her middle name yet?”
“I didn’t know I got to,” His voice had perked up.
“Yeah, I said that,” Logan’s words had an edge of jest.
Wade hummed, “I really was fond of Beretta…”
“Jubilant Beretta Wilson. It does have a nice ring to it,”
∙✧∙
They had let Al hold the baby when they got home. She had liked her more than anything Logan had seen the old woman like before. She cooed and stroked at the baby’s head, commenting on how much hair she had.
Now little Jubilee lay asleep in her cradle with Wade and Logan watching over her. The apartment was dark except for white moonlight steaming through the windows. Her tiny face was peaceful, her tiny baby hands fisted in her onesie.
“I love her so much,” Wade whispered. “I knew I would but I didn’t know it would be so much,”
Logan nodded and squeezed where he had ahold of Wade’s waist. He felt the same. Finding words for it was hard, but the choked feeling in his throat and the clench of his heart told him all he needed to know. She was the most precious thing in the world to either of them.
🎶 Watching it come true, it's taking over you 🎶
“The exit music, do you hear it?” Wade whispered, resting his head on Logan’s shoulder. “It might sound familiar,”
Logan rested his head on top of Wade’s, “You know, I think I do.”
🎶 It’s everything you ever want,
It’s everything you ever need,
And it’s here right in front of you 🎶
